Cap's Atlantic Blog #2
Happy New Year to all our current and future supporters of Force Atlantic 21. We have truly been blown away by the kind messages of support we have received and continue to receive. We have also been moved by the corporations who believe in our narrative – without all our supporters and sponsors, none of this would be possible.
As a brief update, we are soon to transition from our planning phase into our training phase. The planning phase has been a little over 12 months, but we feel so positive as a team as we move towards our training phase. We anticipate the training phase (Phase 2) to be a little shorter at around 10-11 months and will take us up to La Gomera and the start of the race. Like everyone we are adapting to the local and national restrictions through virtual means and adaptive working patterns but are very much looking forward to getting into a boat soon as a crew and we’ll keep you all posted every stroke of the way.
Now I touched on it in my last blog (which can be found here in case you missed it), that “SUPPORT is the real key to success”. From my career as a soldier to the transformation as an officer, I have been led and mentored by some truly magnificent people, but it is my role as a husband and father I choose to discuss in this blog and in doing so will touch on why we have chosen The Royal British Legion as our charity.
What the RBL do;
We provide lifelong support to serving and ex-serving personnel and their families.
Our support starts after one day of service and continues through life, long after service is over.
From providing expert advice and guidance, to recovery and rehabilitation, through to transitioning to civilian life – we can be by their side every step of the way. And it’s not just members of the Armed Forces but their families too.
If there is ever a reason we can't help, our vast network will mean that we know someone who can.
For those unfamiliar with the RBL, they are celebrating their centenary this year and it’s truly an honour to be part of their history, in whatever way possible. Why did we choose them? In truth they chose us and when I say us, I do mean me. I suggested the RBL to the team as a charity and shared with them what I am about to share with you and they graciously agreed.
Now my family’s brief story is still a little long, I will skim over it and just cover some important points, so if you want to grab another brew please do; I don’t talk much about this time and have certainly never wrote about it.
There is very little I can do to affect the past, I don’t have superpowers despite the jokes about Captain America. What I do control however are my perceptions on situations and how I then act based on my personal standards, emotions and naturally the situation itself. These are always within my limitations and in my power, so I can choose the next steps effectively.
Let me take you back to the night in question, 31 Aug 2013, we had just split all our belongings into two trucks, one bound for storage and one bound for our new assignment in Gibraltar. We were visiting family before getting onto the plane on 2 Sep 2013 for what we considered to be a sunshine posting. Around 0400 my wife, Anna, woke me saying she was in agony, we administered some paracetamol and naturally expected the normal response to pain relief, but we never got it. What we got instead was more pain and tears, this initiated the call to get assistance. Then the shock factor, Anna became paralysed from the waist down at the exact moment the ambulance arrived. We were taken to the nearest hospital, the pain relief was administered but the hospital didn’t have a working MRI, we waited while they tracked down the nearest working one before being blue lighted to the next hospital. Upon arrival we were prepped for the MRI and later received the MRI results. It was clear that Anna had a bleed on the spine, and it was compressing her nerves around the spinal cord and needed to be released immediately, but they did not have a surgeon. After another considerable wait, we were transported once more to the next nearest hospital that had a surgeon and a team that could perform the necessary operation. I won’t go into the conversations Anna and I had that day, but they were less than optimistic from her point of view. Anna had just turned 31 years old and we had 3 young children, Sophie (7), Sean (5) and James who would turn 4 in just 6 days. She thought her life was over, we cried, we hugged, we spoke about almost anything to try and deflect away from the circumstance we found ourselves in. As Anna went in for surgery our family arrived, I hadn’t eaten, had anything to drink or even a wash for the best part of 18 hours and let’s be clear, that’s perfectly ok for everything that had happened up to that point, but I now had to prepare for the next stage; Anna coming out of surgery, her recovery pathway, the children, our belongings, our flights, our house, the list went on, but more importantly I had to always be there for Anna.
Anna came out of recovery and it wasn’t a promising diagnosis, they didn’t think she would walk again, let alone live the independent life anyone hopes for. Anna was crushed, but she is awesome and extremely tenacious. The fire was in her belly from the moment she woke up and this burned greater once she saw the kids. Two days later Anna could ‘wiggle’ a toe which was a huge leap into positivity, a day or two after that she could sit up with assistance and then transfer into an armchair. Anna stayed at that hospital for another 2 weeks, the hospital was located in between my parents and her parents. We got her transferred to Middlesbrough’s James Cook Hospital and the super impressive Spinal Unit. This isn’t the perfect end to a sad story; this isn’t where I then say that everything started to become alright as it just didn’t. The positivity from the early days was almost stagnant as physical progress was nil. We still didn’t have a house, we didn’t have our belongings, our kids were in temporary schooling, I was between the school and hospital 2-3 time a day whilst having constant discussions with work with regards to our home, belongings and future job opportunities based on our situation. It was stressful, but I wasn’t the one living with physical pain and mental frustration.
Anna was released from James Cook after about 6 weeks and we took her back to her childhood home where we were all staying at the time with Anna’s Mam. On personal reflection, at this point I was trapped and overwhelmed by it all, not because of anyone, but because I felt that I had no space or no time for thoughts. I had become reliant on a task orientated process in order to cope; I had de-sensitised myself. I recall arguing with Anna one day and even though I knew I was wrong, I couldn’t admit it or even back down, just carried on being a typical stubborn old mule. We were looked after and supported extremely well by all the family and friends, but I needed my space with my family. I needed to be in control, which is something that I have learned to manage with coping strategies and have accepted that it is ultimately impossible.
We got a house sorted just in time for Christmas that year and the next 12 months went by very much the same. A daily routine would be something like get up, sort lunches for everyone including Anna and the family members that were coming to visit that day, get our 3 children up and ready for school, do the school drop off and drive 1 hour to work. Work became a distraction but I would throw myself at my work for that limited time daily, mostly due to my own personal guilt that others would have to pick up my work. I would then leave to drive 1 hour back home to pick up our kids, head home and get on with the evening routine of homework, dinner, house tidying, washing, bedtime routine etc, it was relentless. Once I managed to complete all the tasks, I went into the garage and jumped on the rower for 1 hour, this was my daily decompression. I’m not saying any of this to boast as on reflection I don’t think I got it right, my de-sensitising of the situation forced me to always be mentally 1-2 days ahead rather than living in that moment with those that meant the most to me.
Through these 12 months, Anna wasn’t great, her recovery wasn’t going well, and this was making her depressed, alcohol became a break from the medication and although it was never out of control, it’s never the way to deal with depression. I don’t proclaim to understand what she has been through or the constant pain she is in, I do know that I love my wife very much and would trade places in a heartbeat. Anyway, one day we got into a heated discussion about how I wanted her to engage at certain times and whilst I don’t condone that manner of discussion it was evident that resentment was building up in me. It was during these months we got Anna some company for her when she was at home alone, our Red Fox Labrador, Murphy. He is still the softest dog I know, who just loves cuddles and attention. Not only did he potentially save Anna with some much-needed company, he certainly saved me. I would walk him 5-6 times a day, partly because our garden was always waterlogged but more importantly to allow me the time to reflect. It was during these walks that I used to process the thoughts and understand the feelings inside my head. Murphy is now 6 years old and I still use this time for reflection and mindfulness and I believe this specific, protected time for reflection has allowed me to become more efficient in what I need to do both personally and professionally.
I recall mentioning all this and more to my personal mentor with Made to Measure Mentoring Ltd and have no doubt that we shall unpack a lot of this during our next 12-15 months and I’m truly looking forward to the process of personal and team growth.
So what saved our family?
Sounds drastic but Anna is the heart of the family, she is so passionate and caring, but she needed saving from herself, no that’s wrong, she needed to find herself again. This is where sports recovery came in and I’ll refer back to the title “support is the real key to success”. Originally this was with Phoenix House in Catterick and their remarkable sports recovery team. This quickly grew into a second family, somewhere she would spend nearly every working day of the week. Anna ran for the first time in 18 months using an anti-gravity machine, was introduced to a recumbent bike, was taught to swim and shown how to use a racing wheelchair. That process right there saved us, she started to be the person she used to be, motivated, driven, daring, fun, excited by challenges and here is where her story begins. In the next year that followed Anna completed some inspirational challenges, not exhaustive but include 2 x half ironman triathlons, a bike ride from Catterick to Windsor, an ironman and the remarkable Arch2Arc – Enduroman - ultimate triathlon – all of which were completed in a recumbent bike and racing wheelchair. Anna has also competed at the Warrior Games, an American veterans and serviceperson sports competition before being selected to represent GB in the Invictus Games Orlando, during which she fell for, quite literally, Prince Harry (worth a Google, honest). Her last adventure which was only in 2019 was to be part of the first female adaptive to team to take on and complete the Race Across America (RAAM), which involves cycling 3000miles as a team from the west to east coast of America as fast as possible. Anna’s achievements are all inspirational and it gives me so much pride just telling her story, but it’s more the narrative about how Anna then became the mother in the family again, that’s what I think she’s most proud of.
I’ve glossed over a lot that has happened as naturally there have been other highs, lows and complications along the way, we are no different to anyone else. What is apparent from all of our setbacks, is that none of the achievements were an accident. Anna had to make a conscious decision and despite being in all her pain, she got up every day and represented herself. Sport quite literally saved her quality of life and gave her back to the family.
We all have limitations in some form or another, but in defying your limitations we create new boundaries and are able to explore new opportunities.
Now I haven’t even mentioned the RBL yet in all this. Well, they have been one of our supporters in the corner paving the way to success for us all. They have purchased Anna’s specialist bikes for her events, supported our family and others to watch the athletes at the Invictus Games, but the most poignant for me was our first break away after her accident. A good friend applied on my behalf for a ‘Poppy Break’ and before we knew it, we were enjoying our first family break in what seemed like a lifetime. We were away from our normal surroundings, we all seemed different, excited, our kids were having fun and it was part of the turning point to put us where we are today.
I hope to recognise them through these next 12-15 months and raise a significant amount of money so they can continue to reach out and support service families and veterans alike in their time of need. You never know that you need charity until you need it. The support they have provided us over the years in supporting Anna has been magnificent and has really helped to build Anna’s confidence. Anna has been recognised as an influencer and in the past has been honoured to be part of the National Poppy Appeal and spent many nights delivering after dinner speeches discussing her response to the tragedy and how she chose to embrace her limitations. The RBL gave her a voice in which to feel empowered and strong again from what can sometimes seem like a vulnerable position.
In closing, I live every day with a superhero. Someone, who despite their limitations and levels of pain, gets up daily, gets dressed and presents the best version of herself to our family, friends and the world; someone who is always selfless in action and courageous in adversity. The RBL and other supporters were vital in our success and returned my wife, my friend, my Anna.
This is why I feel that this is an opportunity for me to repay the support we have received over the years in order to help others achieve their potential.
A huge thank you for reading my thoughts. There is clearly a lot more to the story and I’m always willing to share more if people are interested or even for those who can associate with anything I’ve said. Please reach out, support is out there I promise.
Stay safe, stay true and be present.
Scott